I took the subway for the first time in a week last night. Since I’m working uptown, I no longer need to ride the train. But last night I did. I was with Anthony and we got on the subway together at Bloor and Yonge. Sitting in front of us was the fakest looking woman I have ever seen.

And no, she didn't look good, like Heidi sort of does.

This woman looked like she had everything done: Her boobs were large and, well, not natural. She had a very slim body (liposuction maybe?), her brows were lifted, her face was botoxed, her nose job, well, was a nose job, and she had lip injections. Her hair was dyed unnaturally blonde and I don’t know what else I have to say. She did not have good skin. It looked really scary actually. It may have been her pores or maybe she just had a chemical peel. I was kinda scared.

I never knew Carrot Top before his change.

I don’t want to sound like a bad person. I’m just a very natural person. I couldn’t even guess how old this woman was. I don’t believe in plastic surgery. I think people should get let their wrinkles show, you should be happy with the way you are. The thing about this woman, was she wasn’t happy. She didn’t get any extra attention. I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone with this topic. But come on! Enough is enough!

On the other hand, on the same ride, I came face to face with The Hulk himself!

Ok, well not Lou, but a guy who looked exactly like him. It was crazy! He had huge arms and he just strolled into the subway car with his gym bag (of course) and just stood there.

I gave him a once over (I mean, he was HIGE!) and looked over at Anthony and squeezed his not as big biceps. I don’t think he noticed the guy because I’m sure he would have flexed or something. And I laughed.

Imagine hugging that guy!! I would be squished. Muscles have never tickled my fancy, I mean, come on buddy, you could kill someone with those guns!

So those were my latest victims of my blog.

A shout out to Sarah, who ran to the closing doors of the subway and left me stranded on the platform for not running as fast. Thanks, Sarah.

LOVE YOU!!

And a shout out to Katie R, whom I had a lovely conversation with waiting for the train: me on the westbound side, and her on the eastbound side.

LOVE YOU TOO!

Bye for now.

*Just to straighten things up, Anthony did see the Hulk and knew I would compare The Hulk to him.

Those numbers and letters are different lines.

My friend’s job on the trip was our itinerary. She planned it weeks in advance and we had almost everything covered. My job was figuring out how to get to those places.

Thanks to our trusty guide books that were equipped with lovely subway maps, I spent 30 minutes to an hour every night or morning trying to figure out what line to go on and what stop to get off at. It makes the TTC look so bare, and very easy. The MTA is very intimidating, I mean look at this map!

And this is only Manhattan!

I should have read this blog before I left but  I didn’t find it until today!

I wanted to share some funny experiences that I… experienced. And some not so funny.

1. First ever trip: Crazy man yelling out and when people looked at him he started yelling at them. Didn’t like people who were not white because he directed a lot of the yelling at two innocent men a few feet away. Sarah and I were afraid of the swearing and got off at the next stop and waited for the next train.
2. A lady with 3 large purses talking to some girl about how confusing a book that the girl was holding was. She couldn’t understand any of it when she was in school apparently. The women also was putting on lipstick and reminded me of the foundation queen (see previous blog).
3. The train stopped and within 5 seconds there was someone on the speaker telling passengers that the delay was being caused by a train just ahead of us and we would be moving along shortly. This happened a few times during the week and I was very impressed with the customer service and communication. Thumbs up! The TTC would never ever do that!
4. We saw these guys!
   
5. A very cute, blond New Yorker was very happy to hear the musicians above. He was applauding them and “was a prefect ending to his work day.” He gave them money. When he got up he told us to have a wonderful day. When we also got up at the same stop he again told us to have a wonderful day. Sarah said I should have flirted back. Oh well.
6. When we got off at that stop, there was a big fat rat on the platform to greet us. He was cute. Other people were shrieking in horror.

Riding the MTA was a wonderful experience. As long as you do your research before you get there, there is nothing to worry about. The cars are very clean; no newspapers or litter anywhere to be seen. It makes it look like Torontonians are animals!! The communication was wonderful! They announced every stop and which direction the train was going every time the doors were opening. People just listened to their iPods and minded their own business. There were digital route maps on some trains that showed all the stops.

We also had Metrocards that you had to load money onto from machines before you got on the subway and all you had to do was swipe! It told you how much money was on your card and if you had enough for your next trip. So awesome!!

I am proud to say we didn’t get lost once! When you got above ground, that’s when it got confusing.

So my advice to you! Do your research, look at signs, get off the train if someone is cursing in your direction, don’t pick up the rats, and heaven forbid you ever take your guide book out of your bag with all those people watching

FUN TIMES!

We do love grannies!

So my granny (I don’t know her) came on the subway at Yonge and Bloor a few seconds after me and she seemed to be nervous around all the people. I think she was in the middle of a conversation with a younger women (maybe from the Bloor line). Granny was saying that the experience of getting on the subway during rush hour wasn’t as bad as she thought. She didn’t get knocked over or pushed, and she actually was happy with the experience.

She stood for about 2 minutes until a young girl close by offered her seat.

“Oh no, please sit, you’ve been working all day!”

“It’s alright, I’m getting off in two stops anyway”

This young girl should have said “You are sixty years older then me and have no balance left, it would be my pleasure for you to sit here!”

But no.

The woman who walked on the subway with her asked why she was in the city during rush hour (probably doesn’t happen often). She said she was out for tea with an old friend and lost track of time.

She then started talking about her son that lives in Parry Sound and that he was never married and she had no grandchildren. At this point, I don’t know who she was talking to.

Maybe just anyone who would listen.

Like me.

This is me and my granny. Although, she is actually my Grandma, or Nonna.

Sometimes those grannies have great stories to tell. And they don’t mind who is there to hear them.

On my way to school, I was sitting across from a girl putting on makeup. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before (although I did get changed once) and I think because I was afraid I’d hit a bump and get something in my eye. This girl was going to town on her foundation, using a sponge thing, and for a good 5 minutes (I timed it) she was just sponging that stuff all over her face. It was just not smooth enough for her. If you need tips on how to put on makeup, this video can help you:

(SO WEIRD)!

So this girl is pretty extreme, but the girl on my bus was almost as weird.

I get on the subway and there is another woman sitting close to putting on her lipstick. She was puckering her lips so much it was making me giggle. I was just waiting for the moment when the subway would stop suddenly and that lipgloss would smear across her face, but no, it never happened. Does that make me a bad person?

On my way home, my avoidance of sketchy people didn’t work out very well. I sat beside a man who LOOKED NORMAL, he wore a wedding ring and was reading the METRO. I didn’t know that glancing at someone’s newspaper was code for “talk to me”, because that is what this man thought. He tried talking to me a few times, commenting on my sudoku skills, and then as I was getting ready to get off at my stop, he asked me if I had time for lunch. I said no, that I had to go home.

I started thinking on my way home funny things I could have said if I was brave and had no empathy. Here is the list I came up with.

1. I should call your wife and see if she could come too.
2. Who the hell eats lunch?
3. Maybe if you were 30 years younger and 100 pounds lighter
4. I’m sorry, I’m on my way to visit my boyfriend in jail
5. I’m sorry, I’m really a man

This guy was a “That Guy” <<wicked blog!

So that is it for now. More adventures to come!

Then I remembered.

I forgot it on my kitchen table!!

This has always been a scary thought to me. Not having an iPod or an mp3 player during an hour trip to school. I always thought that on those days I would have to experience some loud talking people or see someone you are trying to avoid at all costs. I started to panic. Thankfully, it was just after 7 in the morning and no one was in the mood to be crazy, or to talk for that matter. It was actually nice. I watched cars whiz by beside the bus. A lot of passengers were sleeping. The subway was the same way. No one was talking. I grabbed a Metro and read the news. No one talked the whole way. I realized I don’t need my music to block out the noise. The only noise is the breaks squealing.

On the way home after a great fun-raiser, I got to Bloor and there was a power outage. There was an unauthorized person on track level, and both ways they had to shut off power. I got on the subway and sat down and waited about 10 minutes for the train to turn back on. It happened to this guy a few years ago but I have experienced this more than once. It made me grateful I had a seat and wasn’t stuck inside a tunnel or something.

Not having my iPod in this situation was bitter-sweet. I mean I could listen to the announcements from the speaker about the situation. But I also had to hear passengers complaining and talking loudly about the hold up. I actually got more information about the situation from the passengers then the TTC. During that 10 minute stop I was able to finish a book and just relax.

So I’m not really sure I see anything wrong with not having any portable devices on the subway. No one creepy talked to me or did anything I wanted to hide away from. It actually just made me connected to those around me. Even the foreign speaking lovey dovey couple sitting beside me.

I searched lovey dovey on google. This is what came up!

Everyone is so happy to be going home to the weekend. Some more than others.

I had to stand today as usual. A group of six guys stood in one doorway and talked amongst themselves. We got to Davisville station and an ad for that new Wolfman movie was on the wall. So the boys commented that it looked like a cool movie and that they wanted to see it.

Bad idea boys.

Unbeknownst to them, a woman in a long, furry, purple jacket and had red hair was standing quite close. She had a large mole on her upper lip (and no she didn’t look like this) and was listening to music on her mp3 player.

This woman was apparently in love with the wolfman because at the mention of the movie her eyes lit up and she moved closer to the group of university students.

“OMG I love the Wolfman!!”

She continued … “I love the original. I think it was made in the 20s or 30s. The remake is just the original with today’s technology. ” She was so happy, smiling and really intense.

The boys didn’t pay her any attention.

“Fucking Anthony Hopkins is in it!”

Now they payed attention. They gave her a look that she was crazy.

Purple jacket lady got off at Eglinton station and as soon as the doors were closing they started making fun of her. One yelled out “Bye Crazy Lady.” They didn’t stop talking about her until they got off at Sheppard Station. One of them said “We should go to the movie and she might be sitting in the front row yelling that Anthony Hopkins is on the screen!”

I don’t know how to react to this whole scenario. There really wasn’t anything I could do because I didn’t know any of the parties involved. The purple jacket lady was just really happy and excited to see  The Wolfman.

So that is what happened on Friday. She’s probably day dreaming about her Anthony Hopkins right now. Good for her. Happy people are under appreciated!

So on Saturday, not wanting to leave a very lovely party, Sarah, Traci and I ventured out onto the Danforth and walked to the corner. Crazy man on the corner. So we walk further down the road and wait in earnest for the next bus to come. I have to admit the Danforth-Bloor line bus was drama free. Although there was a couple rowdy people in the back, who talked way to loud, it actually felt like a Wednesday afternoon that was just really dark outside.

The drama came when we transfered to the Yonge line.

After leaving Traci on the bus, Sarah and I walked to the bus stop on Yonge and waited “freezingly” for a bus. I’m pretty sure it was 10 degrees below zero and we were shaking like crazy. But alas, the crazies were all around. Some European guys who were very drunk and bumming smokes off people. They didn’t have any girls with them. I wonder why. A very blonde girl and a guy standing on the steps. The blonde wasn’t wearing pants. I asked Sarah if she was naked. They were making out and the guy took off his jacket so she could wrap them around her bare legs. Maybe if she dressed for the weather and not like a ****, her love could have avoided hypothermia. There was also a girl that couldn’t stop talking about why the bus was taking so long and when we thought it was coming. I would have smacked her if I could feel my fingers.

We got on the bus and it was PACKED. A group of guys who were acting like “gangsters” and were listening to very bad music on their cellphone. The whole bus could hear it and they even started singing along. They talked like they were so cool but I’m pretty sure it was just an act. Three guys sat in front of us. Sarah mentioned that she wished she lived in the old days when men would give up their seat to women on buses. Especially at 3:00 AM. We eventually got seats and those loud singing “gangsters” finally got off the bus. Sarah and I sat together and got off at Finch.

The night was over. We got to my car and drove away. The radio was on low because we both had headaches. I pulled into my driveway at 4:30 AM.

Sarah and I vowed to never take the blue line again. Maybe only in the summer when it was warmer. Maybe never.

I think if I wasn’t so tired I would have listened to more conversations and observed more people. Lucky for them I didn’t.

This is what the girl looked like. Her jacket was shorter and she didn't have leggings.

Then there are the ones that I had the pleasure of looking at this morning.

They were actually on the YRT on my way to the subway.

She was  wearing grey boots and light blue jeans. It looked like she had a spray on tan since orange isn’t really natural. Her partner, wearing black shoes and the same coloured jeans and had really nice eyes. They both had black jackets.

I don’t know what it was, but they looked to be around 21 but acted like they were 15. They talked very loudly, and kept touching each other’s faces. It was quite funny. She was talking in a baby voice. He was smitten. She leaned into him and was trying to fall asleep on his shoulder.

I guess it was just nice to see happy people today. There was no bag in my face. The people around me were calm and listening to music.

Adventures on the subway don’t always have to be a strange experience.

In other news, The Fixer from the Toronto Star talked about how people are stealing those Subway Route Maps from the Subway cars as souvenirs. You can actually get them free! Click on this link to see the article.

I’m thinking about getting one. They apparently make great lamp shades.

Up next. A Saturday night adventure!

No!

She takes out her phone and turns on the music. With no headphones! I was fuming (see previous entry). So not only was she bothering me but also the twenty other people within ear shot including the elderly couple sitting beside her. Damn You a Sexy B***h blaring from the little phone. She didn’t care. Thankfully I arrived at my stop before the song ended.

The way home. The girl sitting next to me is falling asleep. She has black nail polish. Thankfully leaning away from me. More people talk on the way home it seems. The two men in front of me are talking in a different language. Good thing they are. Someone might have blogged about their conversation.

UH! I just looked up and they were looking at me. My cover is blown!!

I must add this: I found this picture online. I did not take this picture!! I would be so nervous taking pics of strangers!

People just started talking but they are too far away. The girl just laughed. It must be strange being the only people talking on a silent subway car.

So many white ear buds. Its become a necessity. No one talks but the couple a few feet away. They look happy. I don’t like hearing peoples music through their ear buds. I’ve never had the guts to do something about it.

I must add this.

On my way home there was a girl with a red jacket with big headphones on, dancing. It reminded me of that scene in The Breakfast Club when they all got high and started dancing in the  library.